At first I hated American Beauty. I saw it as a depressed, ego driven, modern fairytale about lives meandering out of control and the hopeless unfulfilled desires that make up the human experience. It's exactly what the movie is, but I thought what kind of view is that?
Blame it on the optimism of my 15 year old self, but at the time I didn't want to view life like that. I still don't. The funny thing is that when I did end up watching the film again I was able to see the wit that really makes American Beauty such a joy to watch. Depressing only as a dark comedy can be, the core message of the film is really about shaking ourselves of the daily apathy we comfortably surrender to. I think I had to grow up a bit to really appreciate this.
To me, American Beauty is still one of the best cinematic examples exploring themes of desire, image, and perception. The need to hide, cover up, and lie are fundamental to the illusion of perfection. It's no wonder that when we strive for this we end up continually hurting ourselves. American Beauty sets up numerous brilliant scenes with this notion in mind - the scene at the drive thru window for example.
The hilarious dramatics of the characters are essential to both building up and then destroying the barriers that we all create. The core meltdown that takes place within American Beauty is really about bringing the complexity back into the 'image' of modern life, and as explored literally in a scene between actors Thora Birch and Wes Bentley, standing naked for the world to see us for who we really are. Thinking of yourself in these terms can be frightening, but it's also what makes the film so poignant.
It's not all so heavy though. As much as the concept is captivating, the strength of American Beauty is wrapped up in the impulsive comedy that keeps the film fresh. The family dynamic is wonderfully chaotic thanks to the performances by Kevin Spacey and Annette Bening, whose relationship in the film fluctuates between forced civility, contempt, and brutal honesty with some of the best dialogue in recent memory. The discussions around the dinner table are priceless.
Ultimately, I feel the need to come back to the fairytale of it all. Looking at this film realistically tells a depressing story about the state of things, and even though I'm not crazy about that post-modernist 'everything sucks' mentality, there is a light at the end of this tunnel. We're made to realize just how precious our own existence is and that it really is largely through our own choices and perspectives that we learn how to appreciate it. The greatest upsets are the things we deny ourselves in the face of who we really are. While the superficial fantasy can be fun, beauty simply has to be more than what's on the surface to be truly fulfilling.
I don't think I could actually stand any of these people if they were real. However, in this bubble they all play off of each other like fire and gasoline, which is pretty exciting to watch. They're all perfectly messed up in an 'aren't-we-all' kind of way, and for the sake of my own delicate emotions, I think it's something that we should all get a little bit more comfortable with. Imperfection is the one thing we all have in common.
It's now been just over 2 years since I came straggling back home, exhausted from a 6 year stint in university to take up residence in my parents basement. Just like I did when I Lost That Student Feeling and said Goodbye Residence I'm now perched on the edge of another fresh start, this time with the resources to take a more abrupt step up.
That post-university daze that became the fodder for numerous blog posts is now almost completely evaporated. With my student loans shrinking, my personal finances healthier than ever, and the details for moving out now finalized, I'd say things have taken a dramatic turn for best - and it's not just because of the sweet loft apartment :)
There's a lot to be said about being able to do things your way. With two media related jobs keeping me busy, it's one thing to finally say that I can support myself and my ambitions, and it's another to say it's because I'm getting paid to do the kind of work I'm passionate about.
Yes, this time around, I'm not making a mad dash to escape the dorms. This time I'm investing my own hard earned savings to give myself the fresh start I really want. Somehow all of the little challenges from the last couple of years have culminated into this - or at least it seems that way right now. I can't help but feel anxious to see what comes next, this feels pretty incredible! July 1st is going to be the start of a new chapter - here was the preview for the one previous.
In the same style as my Indio Photo Book and the smaller snapshot books that followed it, I've finally completed my coffee table photo book from my trip to Singapore in April this year. My goal was to create something that felt really stylized, personal, and varied. I was keen to make it feel a bit like a scrap book of the locations we saw. I think I accomplished what I was after in creating something that doesn't seem amateur, but also doesn't seem so polished or staged that it doesn't seem genuine.
After completing my Singapore edits soon after getting back, I took my time in going through the photos. It actually proved to be a very relaxing way to remember the trip and to try and contextualize the experience. For as much as we did, I had to remind myself that it wasn't technically a vacation. What a business trip though!
In any case, this 200 page photo book was one pricey souvenir at over $100 to publish, but I know it's something that I'll look back on for years to come. Luckily, you can preview the entire book for free online by simply clicking the Blurb link below - same goes for all of my previous photo books.
At first I hated American Beauty. I saw it as a depressed, ego driven, modern fairytale about lives meandering out of control and the hopeless unfulfilled desires that make up the human experience. It's exactly what the movie is, but I thought what kind of view is that?
